|
digiwest
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Wesley
Metro:
Birthday: 7/6/1991
Gender: Male
Interests: happiness of others
Blogspot: www.memorylaneindawn.blogspot.com
My Novel: www.freewebs.com/elapsingdawn
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/27/2005
|
|
| Blog now moved, a new blog completely dedicated to what God has been teaching in my life:
wesleyacheung.blogspot.com
| | |
| This year's snow retreat was my first one...
Before coming to this retreat, I didn't expect much at all. Actually before this retreat, I have been a very weak person this year...junior year. Academics became such a strong focus, I could not turn my eyes or anything else. As I become engulfed in this academic and competition trap set by this world, I lose myself, a wall forms around me, I almost excommunicate myself at times. But I tried harder in second semester to rebuild the friendships I have, to make others laugh, to become stronger. I tried to stand with more confidence, I tried to put some of my horrid past behind me. Yet that wall still existed around me, yet that fear still lives in me, but I didn't want to frown, so I fought on. And then came the snow retreat. Again, I didn't expect anything at all. I thought I would get a little bit closer to God and maybe bond with Brandon after only talkin about chem with him for past few months.
So the night before the snow retreat, I got my haircut. My friend called me for a midnight walk, and I couldn't cuz I have to wake up early the next mourning. A part of me blamed this snow retreat for ruining my chances to bond with my friends. But the presence of God in my heart says otherwise, and I managed to stay focused for next day's trip.
The mourning came, I was nervous. I didn't know anyone from the church I have been going to for the past 2 years and a half other than Brandon. But I still took the courage the walk out the car and approach all the people at the door of the church. So I waited, and got on the bus, met some cool people, talked a little, slept a little, ate at McDonald's, slept some more at got to the camp. I was really tired that night, so the message didn't really get to me. I went to the cabin, bonded a little with my cabin members, and just slept, still not expecting much.
| | |
| My past is slowly drifting away from me. I don't want to put it behind me, I want to conserve it as a memory to keep me strong. But they blow through the holes of my hand, escaping my grasp. Hong Kong...when will I go there again? My cousins and uncle...when will we meet again? and when we do, can it still feel like the past? Even in school...so many things happen, and I fall deeper into my own abyss. My grades are dropping lately, very low. Especially APUSH, I was in so much hope to acquire an A this semester, but damn reading quizzes always get in the way. And when I try so hard to entertain my friends, sometimes things backfire, and it's all my fault. I am supposed to learn from the faults of my past, but I am too weak to face them. As these disappointments grow, only my anger and hatred for myself prosper, and I become more consumed by my own darkness. But I am scared that others would see this sad and dark side of me, I don't want to hurt them. And...my meaning of life, to make others happy...all I can do is smile and tell some jokes, do some impressions of some character from a disney movie or a contestant from American Idol. And when I am isolated, I disenchant myself. Everything I do seems to be a fault. God puts me here in this world for a purpose, everything has a purpose. I will assume that this is a trial that someday I can learn from. But for now, I am still hollow and walking on the path of despair. Please...how may I gain strength...how do I become stronger?
| | |
| My past is slowly drifting away from me. I don't want to put it behind me, I want to conserve it as a memory to keep me strong. But they blow through the holes of my hand, escaping my grasp. Hong Kong...when will I go there again? My cousins and uncle...when will we meet again? and when we do, can it still feel like the past? Even in school...so many things happen, and I fall deeper into my own abyss. My grades are dropping lately, very low. Especially APUSH, I was in so much hope to acquire an A this semester, but damn reading quizzes always get in the way. And when I try so hard to entertain my friends, sometimes things backfire, and it's all my fault. I am supposed to learn from the faults of my past, but I am too weak to face them. As these disappointments grow, only my anger and hatred for myself prosper, and I become more consumed by my own darkness. But I am scared that others would see this sad and dark side of me, I don't want to hurt them. And...my meaning of life, to make others happy...all I can do is smile and tell some jokes, do some impressions of some character from a disney movie or a contestant from American Idol. And when I am isolated, I disenchant myself. Everything I do seems to be a fault. God puts me here in this world for a purpose, everything has a purpose. I will assume that this is a trial that someday I can learn from. But for now, I am still hollow and walking on the path of despair. Please...how may I gain strength...how do I become stronger?
| | |
| I will try not to hold back anymore.
Confidence
Stronger
Determined
More selfless
Happier
Bible
Outstanding
Braver
Good impression
learn to cook
volunteer at hospital
start poetry club
participate more
hang out more
talk more
be less emo
get better haircuts
get A's
| | |
|
